Jan 28

Monday Musing: Feeling Powerless

There are a few feelings in my life that just strike fear into my heart.  One of the main things is the feeling of being powerless.  Luckily for me that feeling does not happen very often.  As a teacher I get it once a year during the testing season when I am powerless as to how hard my students will try on the standardized test.  Not entirely powerless, I cover the material at least a dozen times and have them do an all-encompassing study guide, but I am powerless in making them study.  So, for the most part I have been very blessed and in the most part in control.  However, since having a child there has been a lot more times that this powerless feeling has been upon me.

A little over a year ago Karen went in for an ultra-sound and the next thing we know we are on our way to the hospital so she can have emergency cerclage surgery.  Our doctor told us it is a very routine thing, but it sure was not routine to us, and all I could do was just try to keep Karen calm and pray.  Another time that I felt completely powerless was when Karen was giving birth to M.  She was totally dilated everything was ready except our OBGYN was not there so the nurse was like ‘just hold on a second’.  What do you mean hold on a second…I tell you right then and there I was feeling completely powerless because Karen is straining M is on her way and the nurse is like ‘the doctor will be her in a few minutes’.

Spending nearly the last 8 months watching my child grow it has been hard to come to the realization that in some things I am entirely powerless.  Now I am not talking about what we allow her to do or if she wants something that she can’t have I just give it to her.  What I am talking about is when she has a fever all I can do is monitor it and give her what our doctor has told us to give her and watch and wait.  The last couple of days M has had a bad stomach ache as her body starts to adjust to eating more food instead of just nursing all the time.  We would be playing and the next thing I would hear is her little strain and crying out which she never does.  99% of the time she is just a little happy baby, like I said Karen and I have been really blessed.  So we looked up online what to give her tried that and called our doctor the next day.  Today she took care of her business and is very much better.

Once again during M’s stomach issues I was pretty much powerless to fix the issue.  When those powerless feelings come I am glad that I have someone that I can turn to that I know has a lot more power than I do, and He is always there for me.  Having someone to turn to during those powerless moments has given me all the comfort that I need.

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