Jun 21

What Makes Our Marriage Work – Just Be There

K&K Something that has been really helpful for Karen these last couple of weeks is just for me to be a presence in the room.  She knows that I would be willing to do anything to make a situation better, but sometimes she does not need or want me to solve the problem.  All she wants is for me to be there and just support her in what she is going through.

It took me a long time to understand that, I have always been somebody who has tried to fix the situation.  I hate to see Karen feel troubled whether it be work related or things that are going on with family or friends, I want to do whatever I can to fix situation.  Most of the time there is nothing that I can do about it, but I try to offer solutions anyway, which is usually not a good idea.  Now, after a few years of marriage, I am slowly coming to the realization that she is not asking for my advice, but just wants somebody to be there and to listen.

This idea of jut being there has really hit home since M has been born because Karen says thanks to me at least a dozen times a day for just being around her while we taking care of our baby girl.  Being a teacher it has been really fortunate that our baby girl was born at the beginning of summer because I am off work and can be there every day.  It is not that Karen really needs me, but the fact that she knows that I am there to change a diaper, watch our girl if she needs to take a nap, or to provide words of support when M is being fussy makes things a lot easier for Karen.

It is sometimes hard to not try to fix the situation because it is so easy for guys to fix everything right?  If that was the case the world would probably not be as messed up as it is.  However by just learning to be there to give support and to listen to my wife I can make her feel a heck of a lot better than just giving her advice or taking over the problem.  Finding a way for me to be there both physically and mentally has been a huge difference in our marriage.

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  1. freda

    Amen, Amen.
    In my experience, wives don’t want husbands to fix it or offer suggestions of what to do,or say “What you should do (or say) is ……….. etc. Just listen and give support by saying “I see what you mean” or “wow ” “That is really to bad” ” I would feel that way too.”
    Anyway just to listen and sympthize makes one feel better.
    Been there done that. lol

  2. Kenny and Karen

    It has taken me a while but I am learning

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